My daughter, Carmen, had a quote on her bedroom wall in Parkland, Fla., that relates to the Prayer of St. Francis: When it’s dark, look for stars. When it rains, look for rainbows.

 

On Valentine’s Day 2018, Carmen was murdered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. On that day and many days after, I have seen dark days, and I understand despair. I have also lost hope, and I have questioned my faith.

 

When days and times are difficult, I find places that are quiet. Those dark and quiet times are when I seem to better see Carmen’s face, hear her silly laugh, or feel her close by.  Through the darkness, God reminds me of the 16 wonderful years Carmen shined here on earth.  

 

When moments are sad and tearful, I look to others for help. Support from family, friends and, sometimes, strangers, is God’s way of showing me I am not alone.  Working with others to make changes that will prevent the same tragedy from happening to other families gives me hope.  These connections are the rainbows that help me out of my despair.   

 

I still have instances where I question why God did not save Carmen.  And in the same breath, I thank Him for bringing my other daughter safely home from school that day.  With God’s help, I will do what I can to honor Carmen’s life so the world will be better than it was the day she died. 

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- April Schentrup